Wednesday, 30 May 2012

Victoria Plumjob

The archetypal bad romance novelist. A fictional figure, Victoria was originally called Victoria Plum but things got sticky when she burst on the literary scene. After her marriage to Dominic Job, she became Victoria Plumjob and re-launched her career.

Victoria Plumjob describes herself a ‘writer’ but is actually a hackling with a very low Beerbohm rating (less than 0.0001). Her books are mainly ebooks and self-published. She is a monkeybator, fart signer and simper bunny, prone to squirting sentimental eye juice, and often reviews her own titles under various pseudonyms.

Example:

Victoria Plumjob will make you believe that cake fairies really do exist and can fall in love with handsome moon doctors! I was totally captivated by her haunting and evocative and haunting prose; and her kissable descriptions took me by the hand and led me into the wonderful world inside the fabulous mind of this magical authoress. — Cassandra Chestnuthair.”